Thinking out loud

If I were to remind myself...

Self-awareness at its most basic level is the ability to recognize and react to our inner feelings. To acknowledge moments of sadness, of joy and respond appropriately. It’s the bridging of a primal, instinctive, thoughtless lifestyle into one which we truly live. Truly living is the ultimate expression of oneself, to not just survive, but to thrive in the world. Truly engaging in the environment we’re presented with, breathing in all it’s opportunities, taking part in all the various activities, and also offering every ounce of ourselves we can. A balance between taking in, and giving every fiber of our being.

It’s a jump from the mundane boring lifestyle. In every social situation, we have the option to either sit and listen, to merely observe our surrounding, or to engage fully, build real satisfying relationships, and to hold meaningful conversation. Our lives are too short to worry about the hate we might receive, for every ten meaningful conversations we can produce, we also receive ten other haters who’ll pounce at any opportunity to criticize and attempt to break you down; all a mere projection of their own jealousy and inability to produce meaning in their own lives. They’ll be sly in the way they attack. First, they’ll backtalk you, to gather others in support of their hatred of another. Then, they’ll start putting labels upon you, “a flirt”, a “player”, “desperate”, "slut", “attention seeker”. They’ll go as far to ignore you if you even attempt to form a connection with them, hoping that seeing a failed connection might deter you from further conversing with others.

To them I’ll say, if you don’t put yourself out there, one hundred percent, take opportunities that might offend others, you’re already dead. There’s hardly a difference between a ghost and those who sit on the sidelines listening, judging and throwing their unneeded opinions upon every situation. Those who wish to play things safe, not test the boundaries of social standings, and purely yell out their own jealousy at those who are thriving. Jealous upon those who dare to take risks, who thrive in a world where difference is attacked and hated, who wish themselves were the ones who could live and ingrain themselves in the fruitful world. The world is so nutritious, filled with opportunities and countless stories only waiting to be discovered. I only choose to seek the fruit of the world and gorge myself upon the joyful moments I can discover, yet there are so many who see the fruit in my hand and become angry that I’m the one who put in effort to attain it. They are angered at why their own efforts haven’t been enough to find their own fruit. They wonder why their efforts which amount to a two feet deep hole dug into the earth, haven’t been enough to uncover the jewels and diamonds buried underneath.

Let those who wish to live, live. I say this to the unsatisfied man, if you desire to become those you are so jealous of, all you need is to take heed and walk forward; the opportunities are only waiting. But if you wish to remain jealous and attempt to drag those who are thriving down with, you may as well be dead. At the very least, a ghost cannot influence the living, they cannot slow down those who seek to do great. If you are not living, then you are merely circling the starting line, and digging your own grave.

Many who set on upon the journey of self-fulfillment will undoubtedly encounter a mass of these evil men, who will see you try to take a step out of the mundane, and do everything in their power to drag you back. Take hope, because for every evil man there is, there are just as many good ones who will reach out and help you. The stress and hatred you will face will be great, but you will soon find that for each step you take, the next one will be easier. Soon enough, you’ll realize that even the hatred of a thousand men will not phase you. The farther you walk from the pull of negativity, the closer you will be to self-fulfillment. This is the journey to the paradise of fruitful opportunity and satisfaction. Each day that passes, you’ll realize that you are not aging, but you are living more and more. Even so, you’ll discover the path won’t be straightforward, sometimes you’ll start walking backwards, but each step you take back, you must walk two more steps forward. Sometimes, you’ll find yourself lost in the journey, and it’s then when you must trust in yourself to keep moving forward when the direction isn’t clear. Perhaps when you escape that forest, you might be further back on the trail, but then you’ll know how to circumvent that forest and cross it doubly as fast.

If you already see a few who have set out upon this path and are much farther than you are, do not grow jealous. You have the choice to either wish to drag the other person back, or to use him as an inspiration, follow his footsteps, to speed up your own pace to catch up.

This is the alternative to “unconsciousness, the default setting, the rat race, the constant gnawing sense of having had, and lost, some infinite thing”(Wallace).

I only wish that we could all live a little.